OFFENDER

Warning/ Disclaimer: this is the strangest thing I have ever written.
The characters are vultures who are speaking East End London Cockney English.
I am fully expecting everyone to dislike or be unbearably confused by this, so no worries.
Maybe someone will enjoy it.




Two vulture-birds perched on a bare branch. Claws pinched into bark, heads clucking. Beaks torn and grinning like the scowls worn by the oldest of men. Their bald heads pink and shivering, looking out with crooked eyes.
The oldest one sits on the left. “They aint but squids,” says the Elder. His voice is old and English, all shrill like a flayed lung.
“Eh?”
“Squids. I’m tellin-ye. It aint but fora fuckn joke thays even talkn to im at ol.”
“Then why,” says the other, the one called Lamentation. His deep croak bellows below him, bottomless, abysmal. “Why would ay waste ay time?”
“Sul for show,” says the Elder, his hairless head darting forward and back. “Ay tryina get im ‘a see that they luv-im.”
“Nooo,” says Lamentation, his deep voice full of doubt. “Why would ay tell-im that ays his friend, only-a leave-im and forget-im?”
“They dunt like im,” says Elder. “Theyre liars.”
There had been a fury in one of the Royal bird clans, its regal followers sent amiss about an atrocity committed by one of their own.
The guilty bird had no longer been called by his given name, instead now only spoken to as ‘Offender’, and many thought it was well deserved. Offender had begun to go stray, to say things that weren’t popular with the Prince Bird or his patriarchs. Without permission or pass this rebel one decided to eke out an existence on his own, seeking a solitary life amidst the fire and flame and stress of this enormously barren world.
The Prince Bird and his patriarchs had declared an injustice, making claims against Offender’s ignorance and ignoring the young birds innocence. They had publically shamed him and pushed him away. Until now.
Now they seemed to be seeking a truce, constantly asking after him, their wandering hive searching the well-bottoms of the world.
Elder clicked cold toenails into the cream colored bark, half-whistling an old hymn he had heard from an African traveler. He cocked his head back and forth, pondering the situation.
Lamentation took a deep breath and spoke.
“It uzzant make sense, notta me."
“Whats-at.”
“Ay av sent im away from em. An en ay av called im this an that, in front uf us all. In front uf all the birds. Now ay is sayn-at ay luv him. An at ay is his friend.”
“Ats what Im sayn, you big stupid bird. Ats exactly what I been sayn. Theyre hypocrites. Alla em. Cant stand im, dont even like im, not even remotely, but ay gut it all twisted in ay mind like theys the good ones.”
On the floor of the earth a snake slithered through grass. Elder widened his eyes to watch, half interested.
“Well,” said Lamentation. “What-a we do?”
“Offender hasn’t dun nuffin. Hes innocent, he is.”
The old bird sighed. And then he unfurled his enormous wings, cracked the long string of his neck and cawed loudly before erupting into the air, into the stormclouds. Lamentation watched him, and after a few moments followed.